A Rare Personal Note...

I rarely post anything personal, but today I feel a calling. For Lent my motive was to give up "yelling" or "snapping" at the children and show extra acts of patience, mercy and tenderness towards their needs. We are having less TV and computer time and more time focusing on each other, and that is great, because as a great friend recently pointed out, you can "give up" whatever...but it is for nothing if it doesn't bring you closer to Him. So true.

So, Tuesday we had our pancake supper. Wednesday, Ash Wednesday, it all fell apart for me. I have such horrible bouts of insomnia and am a light sleeper anyway, I am extra tired. Carrying twins I am twice as big and twice as uncomfortable as I normally am for almost 15 weeks.... We are working on moving plans, waiting for orders to apply for HAP to get this monkey, I mean house, off our backs, cleaning out the junk and getting ready for the realtor, my husband is traveling and traveling and traveling, not to mention tax time..... So, my plan for an easy kick off day for Lent did not go so smoothly....

With little sleep I was awoken before 6 with the "Moooommmyyyy!!!" cry, littlest peed everywhere and was up. Chain reaction with the children getting up. Oldest was already up watching a Little House on the Prairie episode when a riot broke out that it was not Noggin for the little ones. No one liked their breakfast, or what we had available... School work? Are you kidding? We couldn't get it together to barely find clean panties. Found some, little one brought her FULL bowl of cheerios and milk and dumped it in the recliner. These things went on for a few hours, no shower for me that day.

My intention: noon mass at the base chapel, well, one of them. My husband left work to meet us, the whole "going to the base" thing is a process since it is a half hour trip one way, also this is Washington, it's like 35 degrees and pouring..... short story, I misread the schedule and we went to the WRONG chapel. No time to make it to the right one. To please the riot crowd, fed them dirty Burger King and headed home. School work? By this time I'm already losing my fish sandwich and spent a lot of time in the bathroom. Wanted to crawl in bed, but no one would allow for that! Littlest thought it would be fun to emptly the salt and pepper shakers in the tv room while I was in the bathroom.

We agreed to make it to the 6:00 mass, right chapel on post again, and met up with friends at the dirty Pizza Hut near the chapel for dinner. Wait, dirty and SLOW. Fed the kids, cleaned the kids, left and it is a blizzard, all the rain turned to slush on the road. Made it to mass just at 6:00, and everyone who has made it a point NOT to attend weekly has filled it up to the brim, dressed to the nines. I know you know what I mean. All of us "regulars" are stuffed around the front door which keeps blowing open with the rain and snow and wind gusting in. Little one wants none of it and is to put it bluntly, a living NIGHTMARE in the foyer. Yes, I am the mom of THAT kid. The others are itchy, loud, need to potty.... then it comes time to get ashes and no one knows where to go. There are 4 stations at the altar so two rows up the middle and a row on each side, so when the people get their ashes they cross paths with those going up from the opposite direction and come around and now there are like a thousand people crossing through in the foyer trying to get back to their pew or out the door. Finally, a lay minister and old friend comes back and give us ashes in the back. Well, my husband has had it, I can see the vein, that one, and it is time to go NO MATTER WHAT.

It is like 40 mile an hour winds, snowing like crazy and he met us there so I have the kids alone in the van, we split up and head home...he thinks I'm following him down the I-5. Hello, visibility is like ZERO. I take the slow long way our the back gate and he was at home already waiting for a good 15 minutes for us.

Here is the point of my story, it was a ROTTEN day. We could not fully appreciate the ashes and service, but I know better than to think that the Lord is just going to grant me the magic fuzzy warms of unending patience and kindness for my children and husband. What He gave me was such a day that it TESTED my patience, situation after situation that would give me the opportunity to choose how I handled myself with my babies and husband. It seemed every possible thing that could go wrong nearly did, but I made it and I prayed over it and I saw it as the opportunity for what it was. I called on my Lord for strength, Our Lady for Guidance, our Guardian Angels for safe travels....so much during the day. I saw the frustration for the situation in their little eyes and recognized my need to be the mom who could get them home and comfortable and safe and tell them I loved them with my whole heart, and no matter what that is what I did.

It doen't matter what you "give up", what matters is that it brings you closer to Our Lord and you offer up that real suffering for him. EVERYTHING happens for a reason, NO MATTER WHAT.

God Bless,
Mrs. Murphy