Whats been up?

I've been in hiding lately, my own fault. No school, no house work, no faith...sigh. Well, here's what happened now, I get over my chemo menopause and start a non stop bleed, like an overnight every half an hour for 3 weeks. So my blonde Jonas brother Dr. says ok, you need a hysterectomy, stat, lets call down your oncologist. He comes down and reviews my labs, way too much blood loss, ok, full hysterectomy a go. It's Wednesday. They say, how's Monday? Wow.

Monday, full hysterectomy, with a bladder "nick". Ahem, a 4cm "nick". In hospital for 2 days, go home with Foley in, yea, then comes some real pain. Blood, clots trying to make its way down the foley. I got so backed up with blood and clots in my bladder because my great drs sent me home with the wrong medication, I spent Easter in the ER. Here's another how great gov health care is, are you looking forward to this Obama fans? The EMTs ask me like 4 times if I could be pregnant, then, how many pads am I going through? Ambulanced to the ER, wheeled right through and dropped off in the WAITING ROOM. Good luck, see ya.

Hours later, finally got a good gyn to come in, review and straighten me all out. Got a bladder flush that got all the blood and clots out, got to go home no more foley.

Ok, so full Hysterectomy means uterus, tubes and ovaries all out. No more hormones. Instant BAD menopause. I spent a few weeks just crying, but its getting better. My parents came to help and were a blessing when needed. In the beginning I just needed to have some one watch the kids so I could curl up with my narcotics and cry because, come on? What's next?

In all the meantime we are on pins and needles because my Godson, Drew, had taken a real bad turn in his health. It's bad enough feeling sorry for myself, then there is the guilt I have not been there, done enough. He knows neighbors as family better than his godmother and I cry over that as well, and to think our time on Earth would be cut off without.....more. And for a child to be suffering too, is so much worse, you feel so helpless.....It's been a heart wrenching few months.

I'm beginning to feel like Job. So I get some control and BOOM, my best friend is moving, NEXT MONTH. FAR AWAY. So, my faith is really being tested right now, I'm waiting for something good to happen, anything. Next week: Lourdes. I am praying something happens to shake me up, to renew my love for God and Mary that I have had before, instead of feeling so alone. St. Bernadette, please heal my hurting soul and let me follow God's path with acceptance and humility instead of pain and tears. I am always thinking of Jesus on the cross, why has thou forsaken me?


Well, that's what's been up.
God bless you for even reading my story.
Mrs. Murphy